i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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