hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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