yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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