Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
handjob tips. give me some.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
