I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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