Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
