Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
