i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
