He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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