Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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