Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ruined the universe
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
