I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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