Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
