Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You can't just leave with hair like that
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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