I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
