"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize