That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
