He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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