He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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