There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
