Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
