Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
