i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
