I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
