The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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