when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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