I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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