Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
