he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
