Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
