Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
