How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
