I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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