its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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