i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
