Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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