Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
