I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
