So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
