Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
