we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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