You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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