ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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