He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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