The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
