the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
