Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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