My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
