my shit smells like andre
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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