i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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