Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
