That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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