My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize
