I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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