those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
