Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
