I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
