i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
