the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
