Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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