In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
