I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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