I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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