I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
