the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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