what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
