im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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