"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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