I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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