Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
