weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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