I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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