she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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