We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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