its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
