can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
